Urbin Report

Monday, April 24, 2006

Morning sigs.

"You don't need to be 'straight' to fight and die for your country. You just need to shoot straight." -- US Senator and Conservative Icon Barry Goldwater

We know many Democrats don't want to believe this, but millions of voters prefer to keep the money they earn. Really. We're not making this up.

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." -- John F. Kennedy

"The final and best means of strengthening demand among consumers and business is to reduce the burden on private income and the deterrence to private initiative which are imposed by our present tax system, and this administration pledged itself last summer to an across-the-board, top-to-bottom cut in personal and corporate income taxes to be enacted and become effective in 1963." -- President John F. Kennedy

"I might add, to anyone who thinks that everyone who has made a million dollars earned it, let me just say something. I made a million dollars, and I did not earn it. I was given it by my parents and my grandparents." -- democrat Rep. Patrick Kennedy, US House Floor, March 2001

In a way, the continuing gun control controversy is much like the prohibition problem in Oklahoma in the fifties and sixties. It was the belief of many that prohibitionists and bootleggers were united in their efforts to prevent the legal sale of alcoholic beverages. In gun control, those who can afford private alarm systems and bodyguards are united with criminals in their desire to keep guns out of the hands of honest citizens. -- Bill Dannenmaier

Million Mom March spokeswomen Barbara Graham was conviced of aggravated assault with intent to kill. She had shot 22-year-old Kikko Smith in the spine, paralyzing him. Police found four handguns, including a TEC-9 in her home. The MMM organization backed her at her trial.

"We've even gotten laid by cute nerdy cyber geek-girls in rubber fetish clothes because of this band! Is there a market? Who fucking cares!" -- Captain Karl of the Star Trek Band Warp 11

"What many newer fans forget is that in many ways Star Trek (TOS) was a political commentary show. They were able to touch on subjects that could have never been done on TV at the time, because the censors didn't take SF serious. In addition it was damn good adventure show as well. Don't forget the mini-skirted uniforms (and the young women wore wore them) and green exotic women!"

"Kimball Kinnison could drop-kick Yoda the length of a Patrol Cruiser's main Bergenholm resonance chamber without breaking a sweat."

Han shot first.

Ambidextrose: Able to put sugar in coffee with either hand.

"Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deficiency"

"It's a sad tale, but true. The thrifty young student comes to campus in pursuit of knowledge, only be to led astray by casual sex, recreational drugs and the sweet aromas of the roasted coffee bean." - David Adesnik

Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.

Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit.

"Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper." -- Mark Twain

"Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." -- 4th place entry in the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton contest.

"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days." -- Jon Stewart

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired. "

...independent films are those black and white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding." -- Cartman, South Park

Albert Einstein - "The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax."

"There is a very fine line between "hobby" and mental illness." -- Dave Barry

"I love guns, mostly because they keep bed-wetting, patchouli-stink hippies away from me."