Urbin Report

Sunday, January 23, 2005

You too can write like a MSM "journalist"

By way of Beautiful Atrocities, HOW TO MAKE FABULOUS NON-SEQUITURS LIKE A REAL MSM JOURNALIST

Power Line makes note of this little gem from the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Here's a sample:
As Pfc. Francis Obaji, oldest son of an immigrant Nigerian family, is zipped into a body bag for the sad journey home, Laura Bush zips up her Oscar de la Renta gown.

It reads like that throughout; I can almost see the pursed-lipped, eyebrows-raised-in-disapproval expression on Ms. Lenfestey's face as she contemplates the idea that someone, somewhere, might be having fun while The! Children! Suffer! Two can play at that game:

As Susan Lenfestey stirred Splenda into her soy milk Grande Latte at the Starbucks counter, an African child in a refugee camp drank the last drops of muddy water from the puddle outside his family's ragged tent.

As Susan Lenfestey drove her Prius to the dry-cleaner's and dropped off her Authentic Peruvian Alpaca Wool poncho that she bought from that shop in downtown Minneapolis, an American soldier sat in his tent outside Najaf, scraping mud off his boots with an expired debit card.

As Susan Lenfestey perched her granola-padded butt on her Ikea beechwood desk chair and turned on her Mac G4 in her heated apartment, an Indonesian former mother of four waited outside a morgue in Banda Aceh for a chance to find her children among the swollen corpses of the dead.

And so on. See how easy it is?